Sarah was born into a home saturated with abuse. It went back generations before she was born. Sarah's feet were planted on a road of pain and suffering. Many times Sarah would, in her deep pain, wondered why God would allow her to suffer so much. Why did it seem that some people were destined for a life so full of suffering that you wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy and other people seemed to have a walk in the park?
Her pain drove her to anger and bitterness. Resentment and even hatred at times. Most of her anger was directed at God, even though misplaced.
In the midst of the forest of heartache and pain she looked up towards heaven and shouted to God, "Why God! I dare you to come down here and tell me why!!!"
Sarah became like barbed wire in her pain and suffering. In her bitterness she ended up deliberately destroying relationships around her. She justified it to herself by saying that it hurt less if people would walk away from a relationship with her if she knew why they were walking away and knew it was because she said or did this or that. But that was a cruel lie she told herself to make it from day to day in her loneliness. In the long run this destructive behaviour would end up harming her a whole lot more than if she was simply honest with herself and others.
Does this describe you? Know that this isn't how you have to live your life. Just like Sarah had to learn to trust God even if she never received an explanation. She fell often while learning to trust. This is a lifetime process not a quick fix. Just like Sarah you will need a lot of patience with yourself as you heal.
